The Beginning
My story began three years ago. My husband and I moved to Montana from Colorado and eloped. We moved into our first apartment and started our life with his two daughters. We were the ideal couple. I guess we still are in some ways, but now its harder. It used to be easy, and some days it still is. Others however we struggle. After 6 months of settling into our new home we decided to start trying to have our first baby. At first it was fun! The excitement of having a new baby was overwhelming for the first few months. Then after six months of trying to conceive the doubts set in.
Were we ever going to have a baby? What if I cannot conceive? Maybe I was never meant to be a mom.
The longer it took, the louder the thoughts got. It didn't help that I had never had a regular period in my life. Every month it would be late or I would miss it for three months. Every time I would get excited that I might be pregnant. Every time I would be disappointed by a negative pregnancy test. Every time my husband would hold me as I cried. When he was asleep I would stay awake and cry some more. He would sometimes wake up to me crying and hold me until I fell asleep. Then it would start over the next month. To this day he still teases me about how I thought I would never get pregnant. Looking back, I can laugh about it, but at the time I really did believe it would never happen.
This went on for two years. Two years of taking supplements, drinking gross teas, and keeping my body in good condition to be able to possibly conceive a baby.
I remember the day I took the pregnancy test. i had texted my older sister with the usual update. No period, pregnancy symptoms, probably another fluke. She urged me to take a pregnancy test and I wanted to humor her. As I sat waiting for the negative result I was sure would happen I prepared myself for another disappointment. Then it happened. I looked at the test and there was a positive result. Adrenaline rushed through my head. I took two other pregnancy tests to be sure and sent pictures to my sister and my husband. My sister called me in tears of joy and I cried on the phone with her out of pure happiness that I was carrying my little miracle baby. My husband called me moments later in joy that we had finally conceived a baby. Nothing could have prepared us for the mountain we would be climbing over the next year.
Were we ever going to have a baby? What if I cannot conceive? Maybe I was never meant to be a mom.
The longer it took, the louder the thoughts got. It didn't help that I had never had a regular period in my life. Every month it would be late or I would miss it for three months. Every time I would get excited that I might be pregnant. Every time I would be disappointed by a negative pregnancy test. Every time my husband would hold me as I cried. When he was asleep I would stay awake and cry some more. He would sometimes wake up to me crying and hold me until I fell asleep. Then it would start over the next month. To this day he still teases me about how I thought I would never get pregnant. Looking back, I can laugh about it, but at the time I really did believe it would never happen.
This went on for two years. Two years of taking supplements, drinking gross teas, and keeping my body in good condition to be able to possibly conceive a baby.
I remember the day I took the pregnancy test. i had texted my older sister with the usual update. No period, pregnancy symptoms, probably another fluke. She urged me to take a pregnancy test and I wanted to humor her. As I sat waiting for the negative result I was sure would happen I prepared myself for another disappointment. Then it happened. I looked at the test and there was a positive result. Adrenaline rushed through my head. I took two other pregnancy tests to be sure and sent pictures to my sister and my husband. My sister called me in tears of joy and I cried on the phone with her out of pure happiness that I was carrying my little miracle baby. My husband called me moments later in joy that we had finally conceived a baby. Nothing could have prepared us for the mountain we would be climbing over the next year.
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