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The moment it all changed

All was going well in the first 20 weeks of the pregnancy. I was active, fit, with very little morning sickness. I was happy and just glowing! I was so thrilled that I was carrying my baby boy! ( Because somehow I knew he was a boy before we found out!) The day we went in for our 20 week scan it was rainy out. My husband had taken the day off so he could see the first glimpse of our baby and be there to find out if it was a boy or girl. We drove to the appointment and got there early because we were so excited. We sat in the car and watched the rain until about ten minutes before the appointment. We went in and filled out the paperwork as usual. We had to go to a different office down the hall for our ultrasound, as they didn't have the equipment at my midwives office. We met the sonographer and got to work. They measured all the arms and legs. We counted ten little toes and fingers.Yes, we saw that it was a boy, as he had no shame about showing off. I could not stop smiling as we...

The Beginning

My story began three years ago. My husband and I moved to Montana from Colorado and eloped. We moved into our first apartment and started our life with his two daughters. We were the ideal couple. I guess we still are in some ways, but now its harder. It used to be easy, and some days it still is. Others however we struggle. After 6 months of settling into our new home we decided to start trying to have our first baby. At first it was fun! The excitement of  having a new baby was overwhelming for the first few months. Then after six months of trying to conceive the doubts set in. Were we ever going to have a baby? What if I cannot conceive? Maybe I was never meant to be a mom. The longer it took, the louder the thoughts got. It didn't help that I had never had a regular period in my life. Every month it would be late or I would miss it for three months. Every time I would get excited that I might be pregnant. Every time I would be disappointed by a negative pregnancy test. Every ...